This quote is from a Facebook post I wrote about the discomfort I experienced while trolling through my feed on Valentine's Day a few years back. In typical fashion for me, my internal dialog carried on, and like waves methodically hitting the shore, I relived each one of those pretty little lies I told myself while I was married. As I talk with people who are struggling in dead, dying or transitioning relationships, I hear those same lies over and over. So I decided to offer a little truth I've found as I've proceeded through my journey.

When I opened my mailbox is was jammed full of Christmas cards. I let a wave of embarrassment pass through me when I thought of what my mail carrier must think of me for letting it get so full. Clearly, I had forgotten she has a job, and I was making it harder with my neglect. As I sorted through the pile it hit me out of nowhere. No card from him. Last year he'd asked me for my address during one of our long afternoon hangs, and I received an adorable card of him and his kids. It was important to him to send out a statement of the new family he was building in the wake of his divorce. I was important enough to receive a card, and thus knew I had a place in his world. It was one more thread of connection weaving us together.

I often think about my friend when I read one of the thousands of articles on Medium telling people how to avoid having an emotional or physical relationship with someone other than their partner; also known as an 'affair.' I always find these articles tragically interesting because the main piece of advice can be summed up in one word - suppression. While suppression is a good concept when talking about an actual fire, it's not so good in reference to the human soul. Let's not forget the value of a good controlled burn.